tired of dating

i think i am going to become a hare krishna so that i don't have to worry about dating. i'll have my spiritual guide set me up with whomever he or she believes is right for me and, after a month or so, we'll be sealed for eternity. a friend of a friend did that, and now he's got a wife and three kids and gets to cheat on her all the time with whatever hot babe comes his way, apparently. so, my life wouldn't be any different than it is now, except for the fact that i'd have someone to come home to every night, which is exactly what i want, anyway.

what became so difficult in the last few years? why does it seem impossible just to find someone to like, hitch my trailer up to his truck, and ride off into the sunset together? now everyone's got baggage, three jobs, twelve hobbies, a chip on his shoulder, a torch he's carrying for his ex-girlfriend, and too many friends to even give me the time of month, let alone the time of day. i'm sorry that hanging out with me is cutting into the time you normally spend preparing for your animal reiki session/vegan-cuban culinary class/m.m.a.-jai alia-lacrosse fusion league, but you're in your early thirties. aren't you even remotely concerned with dying alone in a dilapidated, out-of-the-way rest home? i mean, i'm twenty-six and i obsess over such major events that might happen within the next sixty years of my life.

i met this guy and i thought i was making all the right dating moves. i didn't act crazy, i let him take me out on dates, i was more than obliging with his busy schedule. sure, things got exciting quickly, but not overly passionate or romance novelesque. anyhow, this morning he tells me how much he likes me and how i'm one of the raddest girls he's ever met and blahblahblah, but he's freaking out over how quickly things are moving. i tell him "don't sweat it. whenever you're ready call me," and left it at that. but wtf? when i'm crazy, guys don't want me. when i'm standoffish, guys don't want me. when i'm cool as a cucumber, guys don't want me. when i'm friendly and understanding, guys. don't. want. me. i can obviously be one of the coolest broads on the planet, according to this most recent rejector, and guess what? guys still don't want me. i give up.

i even cut all my other dating strings for this one dude--thinking i was making the mistake of having my finger in one too many pots and perhaps that was the reason i wasn't finding anything substantial--and now i'm back to square one, kind of. i still have my one old faithful--you know, the guy who doesn't want anything serious but is a total babe and is fun to hang out with, even though he gets a little old after awhile--and he wants to hang out tonight. but my best girlfriends are back in town as of today, and it's ladies' night. dilemmas dilemmas! what would you do, dear diary?